Deep Thoughts

Tuesday Jan 7

Singing is sort of like throwing up today’s lunch. Your mouth moves but nothing solid comes out. Well not really.

I make paper airplanes, because when they crash, I didn’t add to the orphan population.

I used to try and set the snow on fire by peeing on it because it would smoke, but Grammy said that s impossible, so I took a dump on it. She was right that just smoked too.

My grandpa used to take me to the lake and point out the prettiest birds, then he would shoot them with his 12-gauge shot gun. They tasted pretty good too.

I saw Santa ringing a bell outside of a Walmart last weekend and thought wow times are tough, why aren’t the elves doing that?

When I drive into a parking in the middle of the day and see a half-eaten pop tart on the ground, I think man, aren’t the possums the lucky ones.

I was driving to my uncle’s funeral. I thought I hit a deer

I drive to my great uncle’s Joe funeral When I ran over a German Shepard. At Least joe will have a good guard dog now.

Jan 9, 2019

Hopping on one leg feels as if you are in outer space. Being mildly sunburn gasping for air does too

Life is a box of chocolates. I hate chocolates

I was on a bus to Albuquerque and the man next to me had the word FUCK tattooed on his left-hand knuckles and the word PRAY on his right. Those must be two very busy hands.

In the deep cold winter woods in North Dakota On the way to my great Uncle Lou s funeral a ran over a Doberman Pincher. Lou will. Have a great guard dog now.

They say God’s greatest gift to humanity is health, love, understanding and peace. A better gift would have been to give Hilter’s mom cancer in 1887.

We don t like showing up late or being last to get on the airplane, it goes against our “Early Bird” philosophy…….

When somebody says I’ve heard everything, I don t really believe them unless they can prove they’ve been to a lot of forests.

Picture this Sun Beach Sand.
Now picture this Hiroshima.

Taking a long walk and licking at the dew from a few daisies as you go is a refreshing way to start a Sunday morning. I guess Morning mist and flowers has a childlike quality without the jail time.

Mama tells me I can do anything I want. She forgot to tell me bank fraud and ponzu schemes come with jail time and the risk of your closest family members will commit suicide.